Well fuck. It’s like I keep standing in front of a truck believing that each time I do it won’t hit me, but I’m an idiot because I get hit every time and I’m left to piece my broken bones back together. And sooner or later I’m sure I’ll find myself standing in front of that truck again and hopefully next time it won’t hit me, but I know it will. 

I guess I’m just being very angsty or something because this is the second rant that I have posted in a week and I’m not someone who does that. 

So the rant…

I so fucking frustrated with one of best friends right now. What can I say sometimes being friends with your ex is hard. So basically, last Friday I went to his apartment to hang out. I didnt realize that it was meant to be a birthday party for him until an hour after I showed and people started coming over (his 21st birthday was that following Saturday). So I didn’t drink at all because I had every intention of driving home. He got really drunk and I ended up being the last one there besides his roommate. It’s 4:30am and he said that it was fine if I slept over which I was glad about because I didnt want to drive home. As the night went on he tried to have sex with me(did not happen by the way). And then I just got confused about things because this isnt the first time since we’ve been broken up and he’s tried to have drunk sex with me. And so I didnt say anything about it at first because I know how he hates to talk about that kind of stuff. However, as the days went on I couldn’t get what happened off my mind. In my world friends don’t try to have sex with their friends even if they’re drunk.    So I texted him and basically said that I didnt understand what he was trying to do. Like if he was just being a drunk slut or if he was just doing things when he was drunk that he wanted to do when he was sober. I said that if he want to be with me then he needed to be with me but if he viewed us as just friends then he needed to treat as just his friend and stop trying to sleep with me. I don’t feel like I was in the wrong by saying this. I love having him in my life as a friend but I don’t want any friendships boundaries to be crossed especially if he just wants to be friends. I just dont think that is fair to me. Anywho what does he say, after a day of not talking to me he gets back to me and says “Sorry I didnt text you back I didn’t know what to say…” What the fuck kind of response is that!? However, being the kind person that I am, I said that was fine and that I was sorry if I put him in a weird position and that I just wanted to make sure that I knew where we stood. And I said all of this this morning and guess who won’t talk to me, just guess. I mean it’s weird for us not to talk throughout the day and the longest he goes without responding to me is at the most two hours. I just don’t understand why he’s acting like such bitch but its pissing me the hell off. 

Today I learned that my parents don’t trust me as much as I thought. 

Around 11ish this morning my mom sat me down and talked to me about my friendship with my ex-boyfriend. Apparently my parents think that every time we hang out together we have a sex fest. Which is not at all true and even if it were true it’s none of their damn business. I just finished my freshman year in college and will be 19 this summer. I’m not fully grown up yet but I’m getting there and they need to realize that Im going to do whatever I want to do. It almost makes me wish that I was in school right now. Because when I was in school they never called me wondering where I was or who I was with or when I would be back to my dorm. It’s not like I party til the wee hours every night or anything (that never actually happens). But now that I am home they are constantly checking up on me especially when I hang out with my ex. They always call or text asking me if I’m still with him or what I’m doing or when I will be home. It is so annoying. My parents never checked up on me growing up but every time I’m with this person they are freak the fuck out. And the funny thing is they like him or at least that’s what they say they just don’t want me dating him. For crying out loud we have be broken up for a year and been hanging out for the past 9 months and my parents have known about it but now that I’m home they act like it just started happening.  And just as a sidenote I’m pretty sure if something was going to happen between us it would have happened by now just saying. I just want to say to them, yes, one of my best friends also happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Get over it.